Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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