The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
