Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
