she was so not down for the gang bang
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
how drunk are you?
Several
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
