just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
