haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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