remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
