that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
