Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
