Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
