Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
