I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
