Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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