I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
