Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
