I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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