if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
