No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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