just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
