One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
