my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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