Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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