Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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