Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
