is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
