Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she pinky promised me she was 18
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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