Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
