It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
