i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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