What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
