i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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