i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
