i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
