you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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