Already got asked if we're dating
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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