Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We left an ass print on the piano.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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