yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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