We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
