are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
