I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
