Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
