If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
