Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
