it was like his penis was on wheels.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
