I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You made out with two different species that night
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
