you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
