all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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