just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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