I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
