O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
